so i have just recently come to the realization that i may possibly have a slight touch of anxiety. i was thinking about how much better mine and nicks relationship is when we either dont have our phones on or dont have internet. basicall dont have any form of communication with the outside world apart from our nearest and dearest. i realized that when we do have ways to talk to other people (i.e- phone and internet) that i get paranoid. really paranoid. and the weird thing is it come in waves. i can be fine at say 11 o’clock but by 1 im thinking “i wonder who hes been talking to today?” and here i go checking phone records and such. i dont like being this way. ive never been this way. in the begining of our relationship things happened with other not respecting our relationship and so we broke up and i went away and after we got back together i guess ive jsut been so afraid of that happening again and i think i have to do everything i can think of to keep it from happening. i dont like being this kinda girlfriend. and nick asked me a really important question the other night when i was talking to him about this, “how do you ever expect me to marry you if you dont trust me?”. hes right. i know without a doubt that i want to be with him for the rest of our lives and raise our son together. even though we may butt heads along the way, i want him to be the one i butt heads with. no one else. and i have to get over this , well call it anxiety for now. its going to end up tearing my relationship apart or eat me alive from the inside out if i dont fix this. 

1. rizzyxchemical posted this